I'm not going to spend a long time here because it has to do with a sensitive issue that has only partially healed.

I realized that in some ways I was holding on to an old relatively unhealthy but highly leveraging (because I forced myself to learn things I could have never learned without the relationship) relationship.

I've caught myself a number of times pining back to a time when everything was good and longing for those feelings that had such deep connections to places I've never connected too....

Yet, I realized that to an extent, my longing was being fueled by my desire for romance (Reiss) than the actual value that was actually possible.  In other words, imagination and anticipation fueled by romance desires was leading me to create needs that would go unfilled in many ways, because the reality of it all was always different than the anticipation of it generally.  There were enough truly heavenly moments that allowed me to go through the desert of the reality of the ongoing experience.

When I look back, I wonder how much of it was real and how much of it was memorex.

I want to take that with me and also let it release me from the unnatural grip of ongoing needs that in all respects could never meet the desires I was creating out of my imagination coupled with small stiches of reality.

Asking myself how probable what I imagine is in fitting reality leads me to move into a place where I can hold the desire for romance and also place it in the context of what is real and possible....